tomorrow's my last day at tp and well, i don't exactly know how to feel...
partly relieved since its been crazy chaotic with all the marking going on. that and also the certain aspects of the job which can be just ridiculous and loaded with unnecessary stress. i've done my job and my students did, well... reasonable i suppose. i think the disappointment wasn't just felt by myself but across the board, so i can leave with a clear conscience.
the other part feels apprehensive since all this while i could choose not to deal with the fact that uni was approaching and so i have to deal with starting anew all over again. but i know eventually its something that i just have to do, as much as i would rather not. i can't stagnate if i want to grow.
there's also a part that just wants to know what's going to happen. if things were merely transitory or maybe the two of us can work something out. after thinking things over i've just decided that it is whatever it is and if its friendship then so be it. i don't wanna waste emotions turning it over and over. i have faith that if its right, i'll know...
i'll try to make tomorrow as good as it can get...
Monday, July 13, 2009
Friday, July 10, 2009
breathe
I see your face in my mind as I drive away
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time
Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe without you,
But I have to breathe without you,
But I have to
Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out
I'm sorry
Cause none of us thought it was gonna end that way
People are people and sometimes we change our minds
But it's killing me to see you go after all this time
Music starts playin' like the end of a sad movie
It's the kinda ending you don't really wanna see
Cause it's tragedy and it'll only bring you down
Now I don't know what to be without you around
And we know it's never simple, never easy
Never a clean break, no one here to save me
You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand
And I can't breathe without you,
But I have to breathe without you,
But I have to
Never wanted this, never want to see you hurt
Every little bump in the road I tried to swerve
People are people and sometimes it doesn't work out
Nothing we say is gonna save us from the fall out
I'm sorry
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
dilemma
finally back to work only to discover the humongous pile on my table and the next to impossible deadline.
i'm completely shocked and appalled with the unprofessionalism of it all. at the beginning of my contract the point of contention was whether i could commit myself for a long period of time or not. and after dropping just about my entire social life, i have been, for the lack of a better phrase 'unceremoniously dumped.' undoubtedly there are factors beyond anybody's control, but to assume that i would drop everything to suit your timetable is just plain condesending.
i suppose its just one of the things that you spend sleepless nights thinking about but the issue will still be out of your control. i just hope that i have done my job and done it well. i have no regrets about my time spent here and i feel that its probably best to leave and not overstay my welcome. after all, i have to move on sooner or later. its easier to make a clean break now and to know that i left with my respect for myself and my colleagues still intact.
had a lot of time to think about what's important to me during the holidays and had more or less come to the decision that attachment is not for me at this point of my life. that of course was well before a sms broke my solitude resulting in a complete flood of emotions, from uncertainty to happiness.
God knows if my interpretations of his actions are the right ones but i can't help but feel that sense of comfort and security that comes with being with someone who already has settled down in life and knows who he is and what he wants. last night was an eye-opener into what the probable future would be if we did decide to take things further.
then of course theres the one that's young and full of all sorts of ideas. despite being in different places in life somehow or another we still end up in some sort of pseudo-relationship. i've always felt that i don't act my age and to be honest i enjoy that spark of sponteniety that he exhibits.
and so the age old debate of head versus heart continues...
but i have a feeling if made to choose, i know what decision i would make.
i'm completely shocked and appalled with the unprofessionalism of it all. at the beginning of my contract the point of contention was whether i could commit myself for a long period of time or not. and after dropping just about my entire social life, i have been, for the lack of a better phrase 'unceremoniously dumped.' undoubtedly there are factors beyond anybody's control, but to assume that i would drop everything to suit your timetable is just plain condesending.
i suppose its just one of the things that you spend sleepless nights thinking about but the issue will still be out of your control. i just hope that i have done my job and done it well. i have no regrets about my time spent here and i feel that its probably best to leave and not overstay my welcome. after all, i have to move on sooner or later. its easier to make a clean break now and to know that i left with my respect for myself and my colleagues still intact.
had a lot of time to think about what's important to me during the holidays and had more or less come to the decision that attachment is not for me at this point of my life. that of course was well before a sms broke my solitude resulting in a complete flood of emotions, from uncertainty to happiness.
God knows if my interpretations of his actions are the right ones but i can't help but feel that sense of comfort and security that comes with being with someone who already has settled down in life and knows who he is and what he wants. last night was an eye-opener into what the probable future would be if we did decide to take things further.
then of course theres the one that's young and full of all sorts of ideas. despite being in different places in life somehow or another we still end up in some sort of pseudo-relationship. i've always felt that i don't act my age and to be honest i enjoy that spark of sponteniety that he exhibits.
and so the age old debate of head versus heart continues...
but i have a feeling if made to choose, i know what decision i would make.
Monday, June 29, 2009
Leave Of Absence
back from aussie 3 days ago and under self/home-quarantine... trying to do useful things (packing new clothes :), baking cookies, doing cross-stitch, getting the cable working in my room) and hopefully not die of boredom half-way through... cannot wait for wed! save me syaf and shai!
wonderful 16 carefree days. bliss...while at the same time wondering if i could honestly uproot my entire life here and just start a new one in perth. all things considered i could probably do it. we'll see what happens after uni. the prospect sounds good...
at the same time spent 16 days 24/7 with my mom and we're both on the brink of driving each other absolutely nuts. don't get me wrong, i have a wonderful relationship with my mom and most of the time we totally get one another but i think its a case of too much proximity over too long a period. i have no idea how we're supposed to spend 7 more days in home quarantine... i think we're both seriously considering killing each other.
shall enjoy my extended 1 week holiday before BACK TO SCHOOL!
can't wait to see my ex-collegues next sat!
wonderful 16 carefree days. bliss...while at the same time wondering if i could honestly uproot my entire life here and just start a new one in perth. all things considered i could probably do it. we'll see what happens after uni. the prospect sounds good...
at the same time spent 16 days 24/7 with my mom and we're both on the brink of driving each other absolutely nuts. don't get me wrong, i have a wonderful relationship with my mom and most of the time we totally get one another but i think its a case of too much proximity over too long a period. i have no idea how we're supposed to spend 7 more days in home quarantine... i think we're both seriously considering killing each other.
shall enjoy my extended 1 week holiday before BACK TO SCHOOL!
can't wait to see my ex-collegues next sat!
Tuesday, June 2, 2009
traditions
spent the day going through all the clothes + shoes i've accumilated over the past 6 months. got rid of a few pieces of which i have no idea how they ended up in my closet. the seriously 'what were you thinking?!' kind. well, nvm that. tomorrow is total reorganisation of furniture in room. need to make way for my spanking new tv! :)
dyed hair AGAIN. realised that red, while cool, is a little too rocker-ish on me so have gone back to good old chocolate brown. did full mani-pedi and going for threading on fri before attempting to do a smoky eye. feeling good.
just uploaded the 24th SC investiture pics. a weird melancholy feeling. all the good and bad memories. i get frustrated when the 24th don't get certain things, only to realise we were exactly like that anyway. council bbq coming soon! can't wait to see the old gang and reminise and bitch abt all the usual stuff. surprisingly miss council.
a lot of things have changed, i suppose sometimes traditions need to be broken. but when they have an emotional factor attached to them, its a little difficult for everyone involved. its hard not to be jaded and sympathise, because certain things i believe they brought upon themselves. but who am i to judge? the only upper hand i have is that i've gone through this before, thats all.
hope i get to abscond to perth for two weeks. i really wanna get away from all the madness in tp.
dyed hair AGAIN. realised that red, while cool, is a little too rocker-ish on me so have gone back to good old chocolate brown. did full mani-pedi and going for threading on fri before attempting to do a smoky eye. feeling good.
just uploaded the 24th SC investiture pics. a weird melancholy feeling. all the good and bad memories. i get frustrated when the 24th don't get certain things, only to realise we were exactly like that anyway. council bbq coming soon! can't wait to see the old gang and reminise and bitch abt all the usual stuff. surprisingly miss council.
a lot of things have changed, i suppose sometimes traditions need to be broken. but when they have an emotional factor attached to them, its a little difficult for everyone involved. its hard not to be jaded and sympathise, because certain things i believe they brought upon themselves. but who am i to judge? the only upper hand i have is that i've gone through this before, thats all.
hope i get to abscond to perth for two weeks. i really wanna get away from all the madness in tp.
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